Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
