Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
