I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
