I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
