She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
