In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
