She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
