Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
