Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
