is your mom at the bar?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
