can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
