if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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