i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
