VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
