Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
