Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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