You work out of a Hotel?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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