Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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