I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think I just sharted jello shots
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
