I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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