I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
