You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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