I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
