i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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