I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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