Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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