I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
