YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
