she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
