my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
