He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Randomize
