My friends, they love my intelligence
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
