Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
