woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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