Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
