In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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