How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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