I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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