dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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