When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
