I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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