The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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