I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
