I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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