she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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