Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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