I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
