Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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