just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
