you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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