how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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